This is the biggy!..The one that seems to encompass most if not all that ails in the emotional

world!

 

For most people with emotional problems, Low Self-Esteem probably features highest in their makeup, and is why most of my work is centred around getting to the root of the problem instead of tackling the single most recognisable issue.

 

So what is Low Self-Esteem?

 

Low Self Esteem is seen as the cause of a wide range of personal and social issues, ranging from crime and drug addiction, to educational failure and in extreme cases, self-harm and suicide!

 

Low self-esteem means that you mistakenly perceive yourself as a lesser person than others in a number of ways. It can often be traced back to the effects of an unhappy marriage/partnership or early childhood experiences, such as heavy criticism, being abandoned, feeling unloved, or being ridiculed or abused.

 

Example Case study:

 

Jane was often overwhelmed by life, felt like a failure relative to everyone else and constantly doubted whether she could achieve anything positive in life. As a result she limited her life choices by staying where it was safe, was afraid to try anything too new, became panicky in such situations, behaved timidly and therefore never asserted herself effectively. As a result, she excluded herself from a number of very good promotions at work that if well, was more than capable of succeeding at.

 

When she consciously recognised her unhappiness, in order to feel better, she began to spend excessively on material goods such as clothes, cars, jewellery and home improvements etc. She even began spending large sums of money on health & beauty treatments, and on one occasion, cosmetic surgery! The satisfaction afforded by the mounting expenditure was however short-lived, before more was required to feed her dissatisfaction with life. As a result, the family was unable to keep up with the mounting cost, and after a number of years, it launched the family into financial difficulties which left her feel worse about herself.  In order to escape the reality of the situation and to reduce inhibitions in social circles, she began to drink more than was advisable. This coping strategy only ever provides temporary relief or escape from problems, and if continued, creates far more dangerous spin-off issues such as dependency, depression and eventually failing health.

 

Eventually, the mounting difficulties caused by maintaining Jane’s coping strategy induced feelings of misery, anger, resentment and jealousy, particularly when things continued to go wrong in her life - she even began blaming her husband and children for the problems she created!  

 

In a marriage or partnership, a spouse suffering lack of self-esteem commonly bullies, blames and/or abuses their partner at some level, which can even lead to such extremes as domestic violence! Children will undoubtedly also suffer at the hand of a parent suffering from the disorder, which then figures highly in their “programming”, subsequently influencing their choices, decisions and responses in adult life.

 

The feelings of guilt produced by the evidence that Jane had upset friends, her husband and children were immense, therefore perpetuating and intensifying her problems. These problems, compounded by the worry and fear over other resultant problems of the disorder can tip some people over the edge if appropriate help isn’t sought at the soonest opportunity.

 

Although this is an extreme example of how the complaint can manifest very serious consequences, most, if not all cases have the potential to end catastrophically if left unidentified and untreated.

 

Some other common symptoms of the complaint include, but will not bet limited to:

 

• Lack of self-confidence
• No self-motivation
• Self-deprecation - Putting yourself down all the time
• Fear
• Not able to identify your good qualities
• Making no effort because you expect to fail
• Anger
• Worry
• Picking fights & stressing over insignificant issues
• Having vengeful thoughts
• Blaming others for your problems;
• over dependence on others
• Avoidance and procrastination - finding excuses not to do things
• Unhappy with your looks -  too fat, too slim, too short, too tall, ugly
• Always finding fault with the world and asking “Why do bad things always happen to me?”
• Taking pleasure in other people’s problems
• Obsessions similar to OCD’s (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders)
• Overeating/Not Eating
• Problems with weight control

 

If you identify with or recognise any of the above feelings/behaviours in yourself, a friend, colleague or loved one, we strongly suggest that you speak to us in confidence so work can begin on the road to recovery.

 

 

The UK’s Stress Management Society defines stress as: “a situation where demands on a person

exceed that person’s resources or ability to cope”.

 

They state that “the Health and Safety Executive says there is a convincing link between stress and ill health. Its research with Personnel Today Magazine recently showed that over 105 million days are lost to stress each year– costing UK employers £1.24 billion. The research is based on responses from almost 700 senior HR practitioners and almost 2,000 employees.”

Other findings of their research are that:

 

• 11% of absence is attributed to stress
• 52% say stress is increasing
• 60% claim stress is damaging staff retention
• 83% think stress is harming productivity

 

They also say “Pressure itself is not bad. In fact, many thrive on it. But when those pressures exceed a person’s ability to cope, then that is when the problems start. It follows, therefore, that we can tackle stress either by reducing pressures or by increasing coping resources – or a combination of the two.”

Causes

• pressure to perform at work or at school
• threats of physical violence
• financial worries
• arguments
• family conflicts
• divorce
• bereavement
• unemployment
• moving house
• Marriage

Symptoms

• periods of irritability or anger
• apathy or depression
• constant anxiety
• irrational behaviour
• loss of appetite
• comfort eating
• lack of concentration
• loss of sex drive
• increased smoking, drinking, or taking recreational drugs

 

Often physical effects will occur too, such as:

 

• excessive tiredness
• skin problems, such as eczema
• aches and pains resulting from tense muscles, including neck ache, backache and tension headaches
• increased pain from arthritis and other conditions
• heart palpitations
• feeling sick
• stomach problems
• for women, missed periods

 

In today’s world, it seems there’s no escaping stress, so if there’s no way of physically removing yourself from it the, only thing we can do is to manage it effectively. There are many ways of achieving a management regime, from improving organisational skills to relaxing meditation. An element of Life Coaching can also help with this. All appropriate advice and skills are available from me. If you are experiencing difficulties in coping with stress, why not contact me and arrange a consultation to discuss helping you cope?

 

 

Anxiety, worry and fear are often characterised by excessive, exaggerated concerns about

everyday life, with no reasonable explanation. Sufferers tend always to expect the worst in every

situation and find it difficult to stop worrying about health, money, family, work, or school, even

when they’re aware that worrying has no constructive use.

 

The worry often generated by the condition is always unrealistic or out of proportion for the situation. Everyday life becomes a constant state of worry, fear, and dread. The thinking then spirals, and the anxiety often dominates the person's thinking so much that it interferes with daily functioning, including work, school, social activities, and relationships.

 

Common symptoms of the condition are spotted by some if not all, and are not limited to the following:

 

• Excessive, ongoing tension
• Sweating                                                                
• Stammering                                                                                                             
• Anger or general irritability
• Vomiting or feeling sick
• Feeling panicky
• More visits to the toilet than normal
• Muscle pain & spasms
• Headaches
• Physical shaking
• Lack of concentration
• Exhaustion & tiredness
• Exaggerating problems
• Difficulty sleeping
• Being easily startled
• Excessive alcohol consumption or drug abuse
• Overeating or not eating & weight gain or loss
• A thumping heart (palpitations)
• Hyperventilating
• Hand tremors or overall body shakes
• Dry mouth
• Dizziness, or light or heavy-headedness
• Difficulty swallowing
• Dry cough
• Chest pains
• Pins and needles
• Ringing in your ears
• Abdominal pain
• Going red in the face or looking very pale

 

If left unattended, the condition will almost certainly manifest itself as other complaints such as Obsessive-Compulsive disorder (OCD), and even clinical depression. Phobias linked with specific aspects of the person’s worries are also very common outcomes.

 

Although there is some research that suggests that anxiety is caused or increases a person’s propensity to suffer from the condition through their genetic makeup or by chemical imbalances in the body, it is my belief that this is not the case. This being said however, drug abuse or excessive alcohol consumption will almost certainly alter the chemical balance in a person’s body, and as such can be a resultant effect. Sufferers may, as a result of the symptoms, feel the need to use drugs or alcohol to control or reduce the effects, and this too can alter the chemical balance within the body, which will then perpetuate the problem. Excessive consumption of coffee (caffeine) or smoking (nicotine) will also increase the chances of suffering from the condition!

In my opinion, it’s the way in which you use your mind (or misuse it) that more commonly creates the problem in the first place. The condition can also be a resultant effect of Low self-esteem within the client, which is why I conduct a thorough consultation and investigation into the person’s background before considering a course of action to help you resolve the issue.